Author: lewczyk

When I was in junior high school (in some states, they call it ‘middle school’), I was in an awkward situation in one class because the teacher wanted me to sing to the rest of the class. 

Embarrassing Age
Junior high is an awkward age, mostly because people at that age transition through human maturity at different paces — such that you could feel like a dork if you’re not at the front line of becoming an adult. Most people at that age want non-attention — to allow you to ‘adult transition’ at your own pace.

One overlay is, if you do something embarrassing, you may never recover from the harassment/embarrassment you might receive from that event. The other overlay is — I had a good relationship with my teacher (despite being a dork, I am able to make friends), and she found out that I was familiar with the song she targeted to play to the class.

Tech Problems
We found ourselves in a situation where she was unable to play the song that she was intending to play. It was a CCR song (Creedence Clearwater Revival) and I’m pretty sure the song was Who’ll Stop the Rain. I grew up listening to CCR, so I knew the song.

This was mid-1970s, so technology was pretty minimal. All the students were sitting at attached rows of tables/desks — each with a slot to plug in a headphone. The teacher intended to play the song, and have the students listen to it — but she found herself unable to make it happen. It may have been that she didn’t know how to do it, or it may have been that something was technically broken at the music playing source. 

Singing Option
Either way, she realized that it was still possible to connect a microphone and have the students hear that — so this led to her idea of someone singing the song instead. It could have been her singing, but again — she was aware I knew the song, and wanted me to sing it.

Decision / Result
I considered the possibility of singing, but I declined. I did know the song, and was generally able to carry a tune — but again, it was an awkward/embarrassing age — so I wasn’t willing to do it.

Maybe if I did do it, and got good feedback from my classmates, it might have inspired me to follow a more-creative, musical career.

I guess I’ll never know…

The past few days, I seem to be in a better place mentally. For the past few years, when I wake up in the morning, my mind is extremely active. I’ve recently been talking to a therapist — plus two weeks ago, I talked to a psychiatrist who increased my medications. It honestly seems that the bump in medications has settled my mind a lot.

Normally, when I wake up, I have multiple trains of thought going on in my head — plus, I’m thinking about music, and have a song or two that I need to play on a speaker to get them out of my head. Recently, I find that I wake up and my mind seems fairly stable and clear. I’m actually able to think about what I need to do that day, plan it out, and get it done.

I’m almost to the point where I might not need to regularly talk to a therapist. I need to think that through. It happens to be the case that next week I have a conflict with my regular therapy appointment (a funeral) — so this might be the first step to meeting with the therapist less frequently.

I’ll figure it out.