Ambassador [Classic] (300 word story)

Why, Tom, why?? (written long, long ago…)


“This way, Mr. Phlegm…. Yes, that’s right, now follow this passage down to the end to exit. And get a move on — we can’t have this place congested with traffic… Good luck!”

Mr. Phlegm worked his way toward the exit. “This is going to be pretty easy,” he muttered, “I wonder why they didn’t do this sooner.” Suddenly a tremendous gust of air from behind him, and propelled him forward with hurricane force.

“What’s happening?” he cried, “they didn’t tell me about this!“ He heard a hollow laughter behind him as he found himself in a wet chamber being mauled by some incredibly strong worm-like creature. In the next instant, he was hurled forward — but this time he was blinded by an extremely bright light — and found himself plummeting toward the earth.

Thud.

He peered through the glare at the immense figure towering over him. “Don’t leave me here!” he pleaded — but the creature took a few steps, and was out of sight. Mr. Phlegm thought back to the terrible stories his mother had told him when he was young, and he began to cry… 


“Sweetheart… sweetheart,” Mr. Phlegm awoke to find himself being shaken by his lovely wife. “Wake up,” she said, “today is the big day.”

“I had this terrible nightmare,” he began, “I…” He saw the look of worry in his wife’s eyes that had been there ever since he had been chosen. “It was nothing,” he told her. 

“I will miss you darling.” They held one last embrace, and then he left. He rehearsed his speech on the way to the Center, where he was met by a pretty nurse — not too unlike the one in his dream.

“Good luck!” she cried after him, and watched the newly-elected Ambassador of the Left Lung make his way to the outside world.

The Search [Classic] (1500 word story)

Another story from freshman year of college. Since it has my name and a date, I assume I submitted it for a class. (It’s sad that it had a handful of misspellings…)


In the days before the rise and fall of Man, the Earth was young and green and abundant with animals and plants of all types. The Sun was warm, the winters kind, and all creatures lived in harmony with one another, including the People.

“The People were a glorious race — fair of feature and noble of deed. Their kind knew peace, and did not scar the World as the Men later did. When Man sprang into being, the People went into hiding — for they knew what had been written about the fate of Man…”

Gromer shifted uneasily on his haunches, his mind a mixture of confusion and frustration. This was the first year that his father had insisted that Gromer attend the Storyteller’s History — that was always related at the New Year. The men of Gromer’s tribe were roughly grouped around the Storyteller — whose desiccated face was illuminated by the dying fire.

Gromer tilted his bulbous head toward his father who squatted down beside him. “I don’t understand, Father,” he croaked through his misshapen mouth.

Without looking, his father backhanded him across the face and sent him sprawling. Gromer lifted his head groggily, and spat blood and one of his few remaining teeth. It was obvious that his father wanted Gromer to be quiet. Cowed, he crawled back and took his place.

“…the People had some contact with Man who called them the Fairyfolk or the Elvenkind.”

In truth, none of Gromer’s tribe, not even the Storyteller understood much of the History. The words, handed down by word of mouth for generations, had become merely sounds, though they were still an important and revered tradition.

“But, it is said, when Man destroyed himself and all the good things of the Earth — for which we curse him a thousand times — those that remained of the People after their long absence appeared again with plans to make the Earth green once more.

“It had been written long ago that, after the fall of Man, a girl-child was to be born among the People who was to be the key to restoring the Earth. She was to be called Allariana — the Key. A child as innocent as the dove, and as beautiful as the Dawn.

“So it is, that we wait for the coming of the Key — so that the Earth may be whole once more.”

The men were silent for a time as the Storyteller left the group and headed for his cave. Gromer left also, for his family’s cave, as the men began their loud evening boasting, bellowing, and belching. He stopped along the way to dig absently for grub — as the words of the Storyteller ran through his mind. He succeeded in snaring three of the white, thumb-sized larvae, and chewed them slowly as the warm juices ran down his chin. Gromer thought of Allariana. He could picture her with such clarity that he was filled with a strange longing he had never experienced before. He tried to imagine what it would be like to be one of the People — to breathe health, to be one with untainted nature — the likes of which Gromer has never seen. After finding a place to defecate, he continued toward his cave.

Inside, Gromer found his usual sleeping place worn smooth by years of use. Trying not to awaken his sisters and mother who had already retired, he curled up on his side and was soon asleep.

He awoke in the middle of the night from a vivid dream of Allariana, and discovered the need to wash himself. The moon was high as he made his way down to the stream, and cast a milky white glow on the land around him.

As he entered the water, he thought back to his dream. He remembered how his father had told him that such dreams would be the first indication of manhood. Being a man, Gromer was now able to run his own life and make his own decisions. He would no longer be treated as a child. As he lay on the bank drying, he thought about the implications, a jack-o’-lantern’s smile upon his face. Since he was now able to make his own decisions, he decided to search for Allariana. Rather than returning to the cave for his few personal belongings, he decided to leave from where he was. Rising, he headed out into the night, humming a tuneless melody.


Sunrise found Gromer chasing his shadow westward, and putting even more miles between him and his home. Already he was farther than he had ever been, but the country about him looked exactly the same as that of his home miles to the east. He hoped he would soon catch some sign of a decrease in the barrenness and desolation of how homeland, and an increase of plant and animal life that would indicate improved chances of finding one of the People.

The day’s trek was uneventful, save for several minutes spent in midmorning, chasing and catching a scrawny rabbit-like animal that he had stumbled across. Even when picked clean, the animal had provided little to fill him.

It was nearing evening before the terrain finally began to change. The stunted trees and charred undergrowth Gromer was familiar with began to give way to greener, healthier shrubs. He was gladdened by this change.

He angled toward a dense expanse of trees to his left in search of food and shelter — as the orange sun kissed the distant horizon. Having stopped only a handful of times during the day, Gromer wanted badly to rest his sore feet and heavy legs.

He was at the forest’s edge within an hour. It was composed of shriveled, broadleaf trees that could once have been oak or maple. Though somewhat lacking in leaves, the branches formed a dense tangle overhead. Gromer paused at the edge of the forest to allow his eyes to adjust to the gloom — and then crept forward.


She watched him approach the forest on stunted legs, What a curious creature, she thought, he looks like an oversized baby — with his large head and hairless body. He paused a pace or two from the forest’s edge and peered in. She held her breath as his gaze slid past her, a blacker shadow in the darkness. He then stepped forward — startling a squirrel that ran across her foot in its haste to scale a nearby tree. The squirrel had no cause to fear one of the People, for the people loved all animals and did all in their power to protect them. As Gromer wound his way deeper into the forest, she turned to follow on silent feet.

She trailed him by ten paces for the next half hour as he trod his way through the undergrowth disturbing the wildlife. He seemed to have no direction to his travel, though his measdernings took him generally westward and deeper into the forest. After a time, he suddenly stopped. There was a thrashing noise, and she hurried forward in time to see him ready to kill one of her beloved squirrels by apparently biting its head off. Set on preventing the animal’s death, she looked around, seized a nearby stick, and flung it at Gromer’s head.

The stick hit with a resounding thwak, and Gromer was startled into dropping the squirrel. He then spied her a few yards away, and the chase began.

She ran, laughing, just out of his reach — and he struggled, grunting, to catch her. He didn’t notice how she would wait for him to regain his feet when he fell. When she tired of leading him in circles, she turned in the direction of her camp. A few minutes brought them there, as Gromer’s breathing became more heavy and his grunts more frequent.

As they reached the perimeter of the camp, she leaped a trench she had dug to keep away large animals — but he toppled in. He looked up at her in exhausted wonder, as she stood at the edge of the pit nearly doubled over with laughter.

“Well done,” she cried — but then sobered up, though her eyes still smiled. “If you’re that hungry, then have some of these.” She tossed down a pouch of nuts and berries that she carried at her side. He grabbed up the pouch, spilled out its contents, and devoured them by handfuls. When he had finished, he looked up — but she was gone.


“Hello!” She stood again at the edge of the pit as the noon sun angled steeply in. Her blonde hair was pulled back revealing her narrow chin, high cheekbones, and large eyes. She was dressed in green, but her cap had a bright red feather. She looked to be about twelve.

“Hello!” she cried again, and Gromer stirred to find a knotted rope dangling before him.

“It’s so you can climb out.”

She left the edge — and he stood, grabbed the rope, and began to climb. When he reached the top, he found her bent over a cooking pot making some sort of soup.

“My name is Allariana,” she said, “come, have some breakfast.”

Generosity [Classic] (500 word story)

There lived a chipmunk in the sun-baked earth at the edge of a vast forest. His days were spent collecting the fallen acorns from the nearby oak trees. High in the boughs of those very trees, in leafy comfort, lived his cousin the squirrel. Every day the chipmunk would pause in his work and watch the squirrel high overhead going about his incomprehensible business among the green branches where acorns grew for the taking. And every day, the squirrel would look down and see the chipmunk scurrying tiredly to and fro in endless search for whatever the squirrel allowed to fall.

One day, the snow came early, and the chipmunk found his home buried beneath a blanket of white powder. “Please,” he pleaded with the squirrel “allow me to stay with you these few days until the snow melts. For the snow has come early, and has caught me unprepared for the winter.”

The squirrel replied, “Your kind was meant to live in the ground, and so are used to hardships. I have no room for you in my home, and my food is not enough to be shared. It is your fault that you are not prepared for such a snow as this.” And so the chipmunk, after much digging, found his burrow that he had failed to line with fur and twigs, and settled down to wait — with nothing to eat.

Fortunately, the snow melted after only a few days, and the chipmunk — somewhat leaner and somewhat wiser — began lining his burrow, and storing his food for when the snow would come to stay.

And so it happened that lightning struck the forest, and the dead winter trees burnt swiftly to the ground — leaving the squirrel without a home. “Please,” the squirrel pleaded with the chipmunk, “allow me to stay with you until once again the trees grow tall enough to provide me with a home.”

The chipmunk shook his head slowly and, “You would have left me to die when I asked you to share your home. It is only fair that I refuse you my home, as you refused me.”

Just then, a sly fox snuck up and gobbled up the chipmunk. Having heard the conversation, and being wiser than both squirrel and chipmunk, he gave the squirrel his advice. “Life is not a case of clearly distinguishable extremes. As the chipmunk was justified in refusing to share his burrow for the years it would take for new trees to grow, so you too were justified in refusing to share your home with one too lazy to prepare for the slightest of emergencies. However, you would both have done well to be charitable toward each other — and to have shared what you have with one in need.”

With that, the fox gobbled up the squirrel, and settled down in the chipmunk’s now-vacant burrow to wait for spring.

Confidence [Classic] (unfinished story)

Another writing exercise.


He had an air of confidence about him. Not overpowering, as was some people’s — whose smooth talk and constant swagger grow rapidly unbearable. His was a frank openness that led one to believe not only that he had no secrets, but that he couldn’t conceive of who needed to maintain any. He was tall and well-built, with a quick smile and a quick wit.

The Kitchen [Classic] (unfinished story)

I think this was just an exercise in writing.


The kitchen was small, but economically arranged. Cabinet and counter space were maximized — yet there was ample room for a large range and a medium-sized refrigerator. The sink was double — that is, it had two basins, with a spigot between that swivelled. There was even a garbage disposal. Lacking, however, was a dishwasher. Consequently, dishes piled up in the sink between tedious washings done by hand. However, since the apartment was designed for only two tenants, the need to wash the dishes was not great enough to justify a bulky dishwasher.

‘Rasslin’ [Classic] (joke)

Through the ajar bedroom door, three children spy their parents in the throes of passion. Quietly they retreat a few steps, and confer in whispers.

The youngest speaks out first, “Maybe they’re sick.”

“Naw,” says the second youngest, “looks like they’re ‘rasslin’.”

“You’re both wrong,” states the eldest, smug in his knowledge, “they’re makin’ babies.”

There is a pause.

“Working hard to keep the hospitals stocked,” deduces the second youngest.

Confused, the youngest says, “I thought Dad was a banker.”


The moral of the story is — make sure you lock the door when you have sex.

Vision [Classic]

There are times in one’s life when one has a brief flash of vision and comprehension, and one is able to see the various aspects that comprise life in their proper perspective. For an instant, one coincides with ultimate knowledge and, during that glimpse, one becomes a confidant to the secrets of the absolute. Moral issues are issues no longer, as one becomes privy to the talent of absolute moral judgement. During this flash of insight, one can judge one’s own accomplishments and examine the possibilities the future holds in store. One who has such an experience and remains content is truly blessed

Diagnosis [Classic] (400 word story)

“Well, Doc, I guess it all began about eight years ago when I first started working for Van Narden Labs. Of course, I had the idea of the Transmitter long before then, but Doctor Van Narden was the first to take me seriously. He also saw the commercial and, I believe, the scientific possibilities behind such a machine.

“As you know, the concept of time travel is not new. But it took someone like me, versed in cryogenics and subatomic physics to piece together something that works like the Transmitter. Van Narden seemed to have trouble keeping away from my machine as I neared completing it. He was as excited was, and became considerably preoccupied with the machine as I progressed. 

“This obsession about my machine eventually brought about his unfortunate and untimely demise. Poor follow — they said he walked in front of a truck without looking where he was going.

“He had kept my project a secret — and, because of this, when the review board was reevaluating its funding, it decided that my project was too improbable to continue. They even thought I was insane. Ending my project then would have left me bankrupt. Fortunately, I was able to complete the Transmitter that night — and I guess I’m not insane because if it hadn’t worked, I would not be here talking to you today.

“Wow, I’ve been told that dentists are good listeners. I hope I haven’t bored you with my story. I can see you’re about ready to start drilling. I hope it won’t hurt, because I can’t stand pain.”

With this, he lapsed into silence mixed with uneasiness as the man with the drill came toward him…

“Here is another one,” said the ‘dentist’ as he bandaged the man’s head.

“Thank you for your help, Father,” he said to the Curate who helped him carry the man to the house. “All the poor fellow needs is some rest. Any possession will tire a soul out.”

The Curate nodded, but was thinking otherwise. He had seen too many good Christians die this way to not think there must be a better way to cure a possessed soul. After all, opening the skull to release the evil spirit was not his idea of good medical barbering.